skull duggery

Whats an adorable red head to do?

It only took me a year but I now consider myself a successful seamstress.  Yes i made this dress I’m fuckn’ amazing and don’t you forget it.  I’ll be walking the streets of vegas lookn’ like i should be in a kitchen somewhere back in the 1950’s makn’ waffles.  Oh what these guys are missn’ out on. 

When I’m driving through the hills of California, I imagine I’m a 1940’s starlet on my way to my Hollywood mansion. Wearing giant sunglasses and a scarf around my head to protect my perfect curls, I’ll cut through the corners over a cliff in my John Work’s Mini Cooper.

Okay so the mini cooper is maybe a bit out of place but hey its my fantasy right?

I was looking for pictures of my alter ego, but in the process discovered my ultra ego.

I miss the smell of Sulfur as it seeps through the vents of the car and it leaves and acidic gritty taste in your mouth like you just swallowed a sip of merlot. Miles and miles past the train tracks you drive.  The same ones your father played on when he was a child, and the same ones he has rolled over everyday for the past 25 years as he takes the coal down to the barges at the river. The smoke billows over a city that has a distinct color and taste in the air from all impurities escaping the glowing molten steel. The steam spouts straight up from all the cooling towers until its capture and swept up into the wind. Its whiter than the cumulus clouds that play above the three rivers.  You know that work is being down as it slowly blends into the rest of the sky. Your father is making it happen, as his train traverses the terrain that follows the path of the river.  He fuels the heartbeat of the world, as he shovels another batch of coal into the furnace of the train and it powers through another bend of the river.

Things I can’t do at work:

1) Join in on conversations unless I grow a penis

2) Actual work, because I’m only good for one thing

OMG my biggest fear has a name!  I’m not just crazy, there are others like me! But hell if im a changn’, i think its a completely normal phobia.  Actually not even really a phobia, but something everyone should consider because babies and pregnancy is just plan morbid and disgusting.  Its true for what it is.  People try to make it out to be this awesome “blessing” when really its just a leach the size of a watermelon living in side of you that claws its way out while leaving an irreparable path of destruction behind it.  No not this lady. I’m adopting a 5 year old then they become cute and don’t shit themselves like a dog anymore.   Plus I’m way too vain. Mother are proud to get their vag being stitched up after its been ripped to shreds.  Uh-uh not this lady.  When i’m older i’m gonna look bomb and all the watermelon poppn’ mommas are gonna be jealous at this hard body.

Click Though!

OMG totally fucked up, don’t watch this if you’re already super depressed because it will only make matters worse.  I think I had nightmares after this movie.  Caleb ( the bartender from Party Down) is a complete bitter asshole who never sleeps so subsequently has horrible mood swings and might as well be three sheets to the wind the whole time. He tries to warn his brother about the new girlfriend he has who seems absolutely perfect, but Caleb is destined to prove to his brother that all women are whores.  Yea its a messed up movie, I won’t ruin the end just in case you feel like watching something that portrays humanity as something utterly depressing.

While feeling slightly down about the most amazin’ person I ever met (that I had a chance with; I know tommy… a girl can only dream) deploying to Iraq for the next three months, I sat my cute ass down to watch Valentine’s day and continue to get drunk off of cheap white wine.  Ashton Kutcher was the main character and surprisingly I didn’t want to claw my skin off during his acting.  Needless to say, I can only I aspire to be like Anne Hathaway who moonlights as a super kinky phone sex girl.  One day I’ll be able to do as many accents as her.  My southern is kinda weak (need more TruBlood) but I think I’m good on my Russian (studied it momentarily incase I ran into Evgeni Malkin while I was living in Pittsburgh then I could woo him with my Russian since he could barely speak English).   But anyways…OMG Julia Roberts was a Captain in the Army and played the role beautifully.  I think that was my favorite part because she was so reserved and emotionally in control and totally knew her shit about reading people like a book. That’s my gurl. But seriously..watch it!  Its like Love Actually but for Valentine’s Day!